Dear Me: Start of Anew | 365 Diary – Day One

At a point in your life, no matter if it’s when you’re younger or older in life, you know when it’s your time to change. My time started this year.

Throughout the year, I just barely began to change myself into who my ideal person, my ideal self. Barely isn’t the way to go when something this grand is your goal – something that not everyone can mentally make it through. Change is unique to all, therefore there is no true concept of evolution that would apply to every single person. How can one change without a concept? You create your own. This is why so many people are stuck in life in my honest opinion. There’s no plan, no end goal, no actual reason that makes you start to change. You can want it all you want. Starting is always the problem, followed by sticking to it. This is where my change starts from, sticking to it.

New, precise, thorough plans that lead me to a better me starts from being consistent. I’m naturally curious, I seek knowledge, I obsess over what I want to know and do; yet somehow, consistency is the main problem. Why is that? Why can’t I follow a schedule without someone holding me accountable? How can I hold myself accountable? How can I find the answer to these questions? When I do, what is the next step? Questions need answers and I have to find them to progress.

Throughout my life, something has made me change at an earlier time than most:

*I changed in 2003 (5 years old) when my sister was born

*In 2006 (8 years old) when reading became a staple of my personality (led to always doing research)

*2009 (11 years old) when I realized how to manipulate others and myself (not in a bad way)

*2010 (12 years old) when the manipulation was now me

*2012 (14 years old) when I learned who I can be

*2013 when life hit harder than it ever had and my true rebel side was brought out

*2014 when I realized I wasn’t going anywhere in life and I was never the one to become a statistic or gang member.

It’s ends there. Why? It’s not that nothing has made me want to change, it’s that I ignored my dreams and instincts that usually tell me what I need to do.

Those years aren’t just me realizing things; they’re times where I literally changed something profound in myself that kids at that age don’t normally do (as far as I know). My dreams and instincts allowed me to do that, which I am forever grateful for. It’s been three years, more like two since change was still going on until June of 2015, since I recognized and began to change. It’s time to listen again. When or why I decided to stop using my dreams as a way to know when to change, I’ll never be able to answer that. It’s done and over with – life moves on and I don’t tend to stay sad for long over what’s happened.

That’s one of the changes I went through. Anything bad can happen. When it does, I laugh at the pain. Laughter kills all sadness and clears the mind of all the stress and worries, opening a clear mind to think of what comes next.

Not to get off topic, my change once again starts now. Only difference now is that I will fully control what I want to change and will work towards strengthening my weaknesses. My blog is going through a change as well if you haven’t noticed over the past weeks. It’s becoming more personal, more me. I’m not going away from book blogging. There’s just more to my life that I’d like to work on along with reading, writing, interacting, and helping others. 

With that, I decided to shift from book blogging to, ummm, life blogging. I don’t have a name for it, lol. If anyone can name it, let me know cause I don’t want to call it life blogging. This is why I also haven’t been on WP as much with all the ideas of change beginning to sprout.

My current goal is consistency with a concentration on productivity. To be specific, that means I’m not consistent, nor do I do enough that leads me to my dream or end goal. So, I will become consistent while doing what puts me on the path to my dream and other things in life. The end goal is seeing and understanding that I am now on that track. More on that in the time to come. This needs to come quickly, and everyone knows (now you know) I like to live by idealism, so I will accomplish this goal quickly. More pressing matters come afterwards, which is why I can’t spend a good amount of time on this goal. More on that to come also.

And this diary comes to a close. First day, the day of complete acknowledgement, comes to a close. I have to say that not only did my dream show me changing by this diary, it showed that I got the idea from James @thisismytruthnow, so shoutout to you homie!

 

Is anyone else going through any massive changes in life? How are they going or why aren’t they going?